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Words I’d like to ban.

September 5, 2010 in Rants | No comments

Part one of several:

‘Nom.’ ‘Om nom nom.’ ‘Nom nom nom.’ ‘Noms.’

Lolcatz, you have a LOT to answer for.

For the educated (yes, educated as opp0sed to the non-educated idiots who use the word), ‘nom’ is a word used in place of ‘yum,’ ‘yummy,’ ‘tasty’ and other words of similar meaning. From what I can gather, it appeared in a Lolcatz picture and now the internet world deems it acceptable. ‘Nomnomnom’ and ‘omnomnom’ are used when the individual is especially looking forward to, or enjoying their food. This has the unfortunate effect of me imagining them cramming food in, gobbling and drooling. Ew.

The same people also use the term ‘noms.’ Shaking your head? Yeah, it angers me too. ‘Noms’ appears to mean ‘food’ or ‘dinner’, for example ‘I had pizza for noms last night.’ Ridiculous.

A little visit to Urban Dictionary provides me with the following definition:

An onomatopoeical adjective based on the sound emitted when something is “oh so tasty” (either through hunger or flavorological value) that one gnaws through it without regard to cleanliness or etiquette. This sort of ravenous eating will often result in an “om nom nom nom” noise being emitted from the eater.

A vile meaning. Seriously, why would you make something as lovely as food sound so awful?

However, that was the Urban Dictionary definition and as we all know, it is not a real dictionary. A little visit Oxford Dictionaries Online turns up the following:

nom.
…nominal…

nom de guerre
…an assumed name under which a person engages in combat or some other activity or enterprise…

nom de plume
…an assumed name used by a writer instead of their real name; a pen-name…

Therefore, these are the only acceptable usages of the term ‘nom.’ Note, I did not say ‘word’ because it is not an English word. It is an abbreviation, or a French word.

So, stop using it in relation to food. It is not a food word, it is a vile, disgusting noise made by someone stuffing food in their mouth so quickly, they can barely stop to breathe. Continue usage of it will lead me to believe that you are either The Cookie Monster, French and talking about names, a two year old or a greedy individual with no manners. Use ‘yum’ instead. Twats.

Next up: ‘fanks.’

Note: Friends, don’t take this personally. I don’t think that you are all twats. Except when you say ‘nom.’

Blackheath Race for Life 5k

July 5, 2010 in London, Rants, Running | 1 comment

So, Sunday 4th July saw the Blackheath Race for Life. I was originally planning on doing the 10k, as part of the build-up to half-marathon and to try to improve on my Bupa 10k time, but I ended up doing the 5k with the lovely Holly, Kath and Kath’s lovely Aunty Kathy. In hindsight, I’m glad I only did the 5k as it was so damn hot at even 11.00am, I think the 10k at 2.00pm would have killed me!

The race took place on Blackheath Common – my ‘home ground’ so to speak. We had to hang around a little while for the crazy warm-up – I think it’s good that they lead people through it, but most people who genuinely want to run will do their own warm-ups, I think. Though, I’m being a killjoy because I dislike looking stupid when doing aerobics. Places gathered, myself with the runners, Holly in the joggers and Kath and Kathy in the walkers, we were all ready to rock.

Runners moved over the line fairly quickly – I was forced back a bit and crossed the line about 17 seconds after the clock started, but that’s ok. I was also timing myself anyway. The course was quite bumpy and I tried to focus on a steady pace as I wanted to run the whole way round. I often run in the evenings when it’s a tad bit cooler, so running in 27/28 degree heat was a little bit of a first for me! I think the heat got to a lot of people, but it was crazy that a lot of the ‘runners’ were walking by about 500m! They should have gone off with the joggers, or at the very least moved to the side to let the runners get by. That isn’t me being competitive – it’s also health and safety! When people stop dead in front of you, it’s very easy to bang into them and then take ages trying to get round!

The KM markers seemed a bit random. Apparently the first KM took me seven and a half minutes, but then I’d hit the second one by thirteen and a half, the third by twenty, the fourth by twenty five seventeen and then rocked home in thirty forty nine! I think the first KM was a very long one and the last two were pretty short!

I was quite pleased with my time, especially in that heat, but I did really want to go sub-30. I’m going to a Park Run soon and I’m confident I’ll do it in that. The Race for Life events are great – really feel good and it’s amazing that so many people are together trying to achieve so much – but it’s no good if you want a clear run! But, that’s the competitiveness in me coming out, I think. I reckon I lost a minute trying to weave around people, so who knows?

Holly did really well – like me, she is going to do a marathon next year, but has done no training yet. She finished in about 41 minutes, doing jogging and walking, but mostly jogging. We managed to give her a wave at 4.5km, then went to meet her at the finish before going back to give Kath and Kathy a wave as they walked by. They finished in around an hour – but they were walking. Kath looked fab in her pink themed outfit! Pictures on my Facebook – but will post them here later.

It was a great day and I’m so happy that we all did well and especially that Kath and Kathy were able to enter the day before – Kath, your mum was raising a glass to you, wherever she is :)

Love you, girlies x

The one where people are too stupid to use a ticket machine.

February 15, 2010 in London, Rants | 3 comments

I think the title of this blog says it all.

Most of us have been there. We’re at a train station and we need to buy a train ticket. I usually allow an extra 15 minutes or so, to give me time to get a ticket because of the general stupidity of the people of this world. However, the extra time allowed doesn’t make me anymore patient. I still tap my foot and huff and puff and sigh and lament.

It’s always the same. All the machines are in use and I am always the first person in the queue. I know, I know, this isn’t bad, this shouldn’t be a long wait and I am naive enough to always think this myself. However, the same thing always happens.

Everyone at the machine stands and looks at their respective machine. The set up is generally one young woman at the end machine, a couple or two friends at the middle machine and a scruffy looking man at the third.

The young woman is generally smart enough to select a ticket to her destination. She puts in her £10 note. The £10 note is spit out again. She swears and tries again. The same thing happens. She tries for a third time. The third time certainly is not the charm. I would be sympathetic, but this would be the point where I would give up and either pay by card or see the nice ticket man. She, however, tries many more times. Love, it doesn’t work. Give up.

Onto the middle machine. Two people together standing at the machine and giggling, whilst staring at it in an inane manner. They press random buttons. They giggle. They press more buttons. They ask each other how it works. I glare disdainfully in their general direction.

The last machine. Similar set up, but scruffy man on his own. He stares at it, inanely. Painstakingly slowly, he manages to search for his destination. He reaches for his wallet to pay. He feeds in his 10p coins, one by one.

FINALLY, a machine is free.

And this is the stage where typically, you’ll get queue jumped.

If you haven’t missed your train, you have now.

Please, please, please could we round up all the stupid people of the world and make them dig a deep hole?

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Losing my religion

January 24, 2010 in Rants | 1 comment

Religion.

Yes, potentially a controversial subject. I make no apologies. Moving on.

I have some friends who are religious, religion is important to them and they go to church. Fair enough. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. For the record, who am I to say that because something isn’t important to me, it isn’t to anyone else? I have no problem with these types of religious people.

Oh no, I take issue with people who try to shove religion down your throat. If everything is going to pot for someone else, don’t tell them to pray if they are not religious. It is just as disrespectful in my opinion as me telling you that it’s a pile of shit.

I take issue with people who walk the streets, giving out prayer cards and telling people they are sinners for going shopping.

Yes, I swear. Yes, I drink. No, I don’t pray. No, I don’t believe in god. Yes, I have had sex before marriage. I get angry, I get bad tempered and I can be selfish. I wear make up. I like clothes. All sins apparently. I’m going to hell.

Yet, I am (in my opinion) a nice person. I’m loyal. I’m honest and truthful. I may be a cynic, but I will always listen. I’ll do anything for my friends and I’ll buy a cup of tea for a homeless person. I do some volunteer work. All good things, yet I’m going to hell because I like the song ‘Number of the beast’ by Iron Maiden.

I’m going to hell because I don’t repent my sins. Of course I don’t; to repent would be wrong when I am just going to sin again. In fact, surely this makes most church goers sinners? Why apologise and repent something when you have no intention of giving up sex/drugs/rock’n'roll?

I could say a lot more, but it will end up a pile of meaningless drivel.

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Can we find a million people?

December 30, 2009 in Rants | 1 comment

Ah, the latest Facebook craze. How it angers me.

Before we go any further, yes I am a self-confessed Facebook addict. And yes, I am a member of some pointless groups, for example I cried for the dog episode of Futurama. However, this latest craze of Can we find a million people who…? makes me want to go and stab myself with a spoon.

The other variation on the theme is If a million people join this will or will not happen. This makes me want to hang myself with a string of spaghetti.

Firstly, these groups are pointless. I saw one today which made me incredibly angry. The name of the group was If 1 million people join, my dad will not put our dog to sleep.

Three simple points here.

  1. What.
  2. The.
  3. Fuck.

Firstly, this group has surely got to be a fake. What kind of sick person would put a healthy ten year old dog to sleep, unless FB says otherwise? Secondly, why would you make a FB group if this is true? Would you not call the RSPCA instead? Lastly, you million plus people who have joined the group are all twats.

The dog will live.

What is wrong with people?!

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